CraBlogged

We saw Ratatoille with the worry that it would be way too much for dear Holden. Thankfully he's a good movie-goer - he didn't even need to pee halfway through! The movie is a real treat, a real feast, and since I hate all movies all the time this is some high praise. Everyone told me it would be awesome, which is a terrible sign because then I go in with Great Expectations and I leave with a bad case of the Grapes of Wrath. But this one delighted me through and through, even though we got there a little late and it was crowded to the point where we had to sit in the first row. First row...

We've been watching a lot of movies lately. Partly because of the weather, partly because we're a bit tuckered and I'm sick, partly for nostalgia, partly so that we can relive our youths one more time but together. Here's the run-down.

We picked up: Alien, Aliens, Aliens cubed, Aliens resurrection. Predator, Predator II. And, of course, Aliens vs Predator. Also. Terminator, Terminator II, and Terminator III. I'm thinking next we'll do the back to futures, although Maryl is pitching her vote and trying to swade me with Short Cicuits....

Come reminisce with me.

Alien: This was a fine movie, back when I saw it originally with my cousin Mark and whatever siblings were around at the time. I was very young, and it's a slow movie for a large bit of it for a wee tuckered out laddie, but the movie always stuck with me. How could it not? as I'd never seen a bug jump out of someone's torso before. The one we rented this time included a bunch of deleted scenes, but I didn't recognize or realize or really notice them. You really have to be in the mood for a long and slow sci-fi experience, mixed in with brief moments of pure terror. This was great 30 years ago (this movie was actually made before I was born...), and is still excellent today, but this kind of pacing you'll never find in a movie nowadays. We're all too spastic, now, and can't sit still for 25 minutes without someone's head getting blown off or seeing a zebra run in a freaking horse race. I really appreciated seeing this again, as an adult, and fully understanding all the conversations instead of just being paralyzed with confusion and fear, as a wee laddie that is. I was so confused, as a wee laddie that is, at the ending, that I was sure that all that time she was being chased by THREE aliens - because look right there, three are getting blasted out the afterburners! One, two, three, all from different angles! Rated three crab claws - second best of the four, down from first because that damn cat was so annoying. Seriously, I can understand one freak-out, but three? Four?

It's not my fault! I'm just a cat!

Aliens: Definitely my favorite of the bunch, always has been and always will. Mostly because my bros were really into it and I saw it at the perfect age for it to really get to me. The lines were hilarious and easily-repeatable. I loved all the characters. It wasn't campy to me, it was just perfect. My cousin Mark was of the belief that it was an absolutely brilliant movie up until the point where she decides to go back down and get Newt instead of just leaving. I agree with him on principle, but this is a movie, and the movie wouldn't have worked at all if she just left. Terrible ending, with no vis-a-vis with Queenie lass. A lot of the appeal to me as well was Steve's silly Aliens boardgame, where you take on the role of the marines - they all have their special quirks, and the game follows the movies to a T. I think you even get to roll if the pilot gets her gun out in time to shoot the alien in the mini-ship. Otherwise she goes down, just like in the movie. And do you roll for Newt to see if she remembers which way to go in the tunnels? Good times, good times. The extended version was mostly excellent. I had seen before the extended reels of their sentry turrets, but never anything with the colonists in the beginning. I won't spoil it too much, but just after Ripley wakes up and talks to the chairpeople about her goingson, there's a scene of the living colonists out there getting orders to investigate a grid location. They go out there, it's a family, Newt's there, and her parents go in and -- it's good that they cut it for the final release. Makes for a much more ominous setting when they arrive - are there colonists alive? Are they all et up? Excellent fun movie that gets my highest vote - four crab claws!

I TOLD YOU TO EAT YOUR DAMN VEGETABLES!

Aliens3: I never liked this one and I don't think I ever will. A lot of it stems from the fact that they kill all of my favorite characters right in the first scene. What's the deal, couldn't sign on the actors? My main problem, besides that, with this film is that I just don't care about any of the people there. I mean, you're not supposed to at all: they're all rapists and murderers. They try so, so hard to get you to like the doctor that helps out Ripley, and bam, nearly halfway in he gets et. So now you're left with only Ripley, and maybe the head jailer as people you're interested in. And then they go and freaking kill the head guy 5 minutes later! You don't care if the alien gets loose and kills all the prisoners, you sort of care about Ripley, but you certainly don't care if the alien wins and gets taken back to earth - because that just means another awesome movie about how aliens are taking over earth and it's back to the greatness that was Aliens (2). The extended version for this one was interesting - it changed the plot around very nicely at points. Strange additions (or is it subtractions?) were made, such as having the alien pop out of a freaking bison instead of a dog. A bison? It moves differently... They also had a scene where they actually caught the bugger, but one of the inmates lets it loose because he's crazy. Shrug. Ha! Also, the ending, I can't even believe it. The greatest thing about the original version was at the end when she's falling, a little alien pops right out of her bosom and she cradles it as she falls into the lava. But in this one? They took that out! In the extended, director's cut, she just falls and that's that. I guess he was pressured to do it for the release? Poor guy, must have really gutted him. Har har. Maryl didn't believe me, and for a moment I thought I made the whole thing up in my head, but we jumped to that part in the normal version and out came baby Ripley. So cute. One crab claw, if only for the alien popping out of a bison. A freaking bison. Love it.

I like your haircut Ripley. It's nice. It's nice... um... do you wanna like... go get some coffee sometime? I know a place - it's ok if you're busy though...

Aliens 4 - I didn't so much dislike this one as I was saddened and disappointed by it. It might have been the first one I saw in the theatres, it's hard to say. Looking at imdb, 3 came out when I was 13 so maybe I did end up seeing it there. But I distinctly remember seeing four in the theatres and being baffled and sad at how they could go wrong. The most confusing part is that it was written by Joss Whedon. That guy makes a lot of good stuff, yet this one... yikes. It starts out pretty well, basically it has the Firefly crew and you can't go wrong with them. The loveable captain, the crazy girl with crazy powers, the second in command girl who's a gentle mix between Rambo and sexy, woman Rambette, and of course the big dumb brute who's there to kill stuff and cause comic relief (must be a chick thing). Things quickly turn sour when the aliens easily and laughably escape, and run amuck killing all your favorite characters first. Saving graces of this film include Winona Ryder and her sparkling eyes... and the two actors from City of Lost Children make the movie almost worth while, assuming you love them already from this other priceless gem of a film. But it all just goes downhill, hits rock bottom, bursts through the earth's crust, and disolves into stinky nothingness. Not just because they recklessly killed off CSI's Token for no reason at all, I mean seriously just remove the hanging alien from your leg and climb up the ladder, there's no reason to be a martyr and die(??) with it by falling into the pool below you. No no, I'm talking about the greatest faux-pas of all. Mentally Challenged Baby Alien Ripley Spawn. Did you block it from your memories? Have you forgotten the crime of all crimes?

Let me remind you, then.

I'll leave you with that, and also the reminder that he got sucked out of a tiny hole. Sucked out of a tiny hole, all the while whimpering and crying at the injustice of this world, the terrible fact that he existed in the first place. Poor fellow. One and a half crab claws if only for the Ripley+Alien Queen orgy scene. Hot, hot stuff.

I was going to continue on with Predator and Terminator, but now I'm just sad, so I'll leave that for tomorrow.

But just before I go...

Why, why was I only allowed 5 seconds of screen time!!!